learning to live

feeling the confused mix after yesterday. how strange is it?
many times, we tend to pick things based on what we think is good for ourselves, ignoring what others are telling us on the outside.
I tend to be forgetful about the pains and hurts of the past quite easily once i have gotten over. I don't bear grudges and tend to mend relationships quite quickly. is this my ability to tolerate? Sometimes, i wished i have abetter memory than this. A better memory guided by wisdom, telling me not to re-visit those places or people again.
seeing you and hearing those stories did not affect me a single bit. the similarity did. why does it still work that way after so long? this machine works its match everytime even when i havent cared or service it after so long. Even when i bothered to care-less with the way i behaved or with the words i say. The outcome still has the unlike poles meeting. this is not simply a work of magnetic field. Who maintained this like-mindedness?
Resting on my back, I recalled the similar events happening again and again. The same words spoken, the same intention, the same intensity. It all sounded like, teenage-growing up stories, stories of a child past. A child wanting to purchase that toy or selecting that 'cool' course in poly, thinking it would be his passion career for life. but only after working it thru with much tears and toil, u realised - i have been idealistic... life is meant to be lived simply.
However, i will force this through and neglect those magnets. I will hide my heart in the corner of the room till the time is full.
till my life has changed and been tested from all temptation, I will not be ready. Growing up and maturity is about knowing yourself and learning to see what is value. learning not be short-changed by the seemingly appealing.